When the quiet isn’t enough…

Separation desperation intimidation pain. Just for a moment I can feel but the numbness is flawless.

Lips pierced ready for the words I heard ready for the escape like a bird ready for the savior he is gone.

Release like wetness on my finger tips and I yell at the ceiling and I yell at the floor and I yell at you but selfishness wins this war.

Move from in front of me move to a different city move from the reason I am waiting alone.

Quiet scares me because my core wants to explain and express my lips chapped but the smoke doesn’t burn it doesn’t.

My direction was your direction and all the world came between us. I opened myself and you ripped my hope up like a reaper.

Did it taste good when that moment of euphoria ran through your veins and nervous system. That little rock you burned like me. How’s it feel to be trapped? I am trapped too!

Your expectation my expectation and the wish of something other then nothing and it’s dark outside now. It’s cold in here.

I found a way to you and you found a way to yourself. When longing becomes crazy and your arms around me doesn’t heal my wound I forget how to forgive I forget how to live I forget that it’s still broken.

It’s over

Rocking back and forth in my bed
It’s over she screams its over she screams in my head

Pale like the moonlight cascading against my clammy skin it’s over

Reaching out to thin air grasping and gasping for the last bit of air here I am bare and my soul weakened yet I am torn inside this decision of emptiness
It’s over

The smell of rot surrounds the beat of my damage my eyes dry and powerless over the nothing
It’s over she fucking screams

Hair clumped in my hands my scalp dry like the night and my ears burn and blister deafened to the weakness
It’s over

Peel back the layers and all you see is corruption and a hypocrite. Reaping what is sewn. Frantic I scream it’s over.

A ditty

Fuck revolution just give me freedom.
I want food to eat inside my tent.
I want to occupy space with meaning.

Fuck freedom give me transcendence.
I want to drink from the well…sweet.
I want to feel the blue sky’s and breathe the pastures.

Fuck transcendence give me forgiveness.
I want to fall away into the revolution.
I want to fly side by side with the eagle.
I want to ratify the power to let go…

I look at you and see all that is right and all that is wrong. It’s the wrong I forgive.
It’s the wrong I transcend. It’s the wrong I set free.

Fuck 2011

Fuck 2011 it was the worst year of my life!!! 2012 I welcome you with open arms and a heart of warmth. I know this new year will be awesome! 2012 WILL be a BLESSED year!

Weiner’s Dick

You go boy!

Addiction’s checkered flag

Call me after the race
I know it’ll be good for the day I am sorry you can’t love me how I need and I can’t love you at all.

Call me after the pain
I know it’ll hurt for a while I am sorry you can’t hear me and I am deafened to you.

Call me after the hate
I know this devils gate was opened long ago I ain’t free and you are lost somewhere in the dark.

Call me after the binge
I know you’ll feel good for a bit and I’ll crave it because it makes you feel so alive and I can’t.

Call me after the rain
I remember the fresh renewal of our hearts after the down pour but I am acutely aware that I’ll always need an umbrella.

Call me after the race
I know one day you’ll win. I believe that much. metamorphosis into something not quite like nothing. And my love be lost in transition.

Call me the day
You remember me for me and I reach special to you again.

What does it say? (OPRAH)

What’s it say about me that I read this with great interest? What’s it say that it’s even posted? She’s just a retired lady. Everyone read Unbroken and lead your lives by what others tell you to do. Hahaha she’s made billions off consumerism and great capitalism. lol

BTW: I do enjoy Oprah.

Oprah Takes Vacation, Finds New Love
June 2, 2011 | 12:47:24 AM (EST)

It was only natural that Oprah would take a vacation after the end of her legendary talk show. On Wednesday, she sent her Facebook friends a message about what she was doing.

In the message, Oprah thanked her fans “for the kindest words I’ve ever heard” following the end of “The Oprah Winfrey Show.” And she disclosed that she had found a new love: white truffle pizza.

“Now finally away on vaca,” she wrote. “Relaxing. Trying not to eat too much. But had 2 slices of the best pizza ever in life today. WHITE TRUFFLE! Had to stop myself. Could have eaten the whole thin sliced, home made thing.”

She also sneaked in a book recommendation.

“Catching up on reading:UNBROKEN. By Laura Hillenbrand,” she wrote. “I know so many of you have read already. It’s as good as everybody says. 72 pgs. in, can’t put it down.”

The message concluded, “My new ambition is to make a treasure of the small moments. All of your emails are mini treasures. As was that White Truffle pizza. Oprah.”

First Amendment (freedom of speech)

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.” ~US CONSTITUTION

***KNOW YOUR RIGHTS***

Wikipedia First Amendment

Anthony Weiner’s alleged twitter picture.

I wonder why?!

Rep. Weiner doesnt have a problem except that he got caught doing something that normally is a private matter. His tweets and sex fill instant messages to women on the internet should not be held against him. My understanding is that he is a strong voice in a time we need strong voices. This “scandal” really is another news bit to get peoples attention off of the real issues! When was last update about the Gulf oil spill, the unemployed, or even foreclosure. Americans are spoon fed bullshit and because we have such ADHD we need some cock story for our adderall binge. Let this man do his job because you know 1. Hes got a nice dick and 2. You probably have naughty pictures or IM’s somewhere too. Good luck Mr. Weiner! You’ll need it in today’s climate of sharks.

Red

Red surrounds my feet
Wrist dripping
Knife to meat

I feel nothing wound deep
Better then brains on wall
Red at my feet

Racing heart skips a beat
Sirens in my head
Nothing to eat

Medication detested it makes me sleep
Awake I will be
Red pooling at my feet

Clang echoes as skull is dim
Slight exhale through this sin
My cloud floats right on by

Red surrounding me
I look to the sky
My hope at last

I WILL FLY
PEACE WILL SURROUND ME
INSTEAD OF THIS RED
PEACE BE WITH ME
BECAUSE I’LL BE DEAD

Hold me

Hold me
I am inside your mind.

Speak to me
I am only blind.

Lie to me
Integrity is hard to find.

Fuck me
Like you were mine.

Question me
For I am not divine.

Appreciate me
Now instead of due time.

Walk with me
Don’t leave me behind.

Sleep with me
Breath exhales with mine.

Story tell with me
Free my voice from bind.

Rally with me
Treat others in kind.

Honor me
Go ahead and cross the line.

Hold me
I am afraid of the sign.

Hold me
This final time.

Hold me
It’s no crime.

Hold me
Don’t offer a dime.

Hold me
Remember when you were mine.

Hug

Quote

When u really matter to someone, that person will always make time for u. No excuses, no lies, and no broken promises.
~martin lawrence

I am the light of the world

Foot tapping

Sitting here and the dance moves in the stall next to me spell no strings attached. I am curious and I begin the gentle dance move of lip service. This isn’t real. This isn’t self respect. This is what I do for the heat the enters my vein. The rush to my head is a mind fuck like this guy is an ass fuck and I return to my stall wipe and watch for my next meal.

Relic

Do I believe this shit anymore or am I just a relic in the modern age of nothing. Yearning for forgiveness but my spirituality is forgiven. I creep around corners giving my card and praying for a call back. This economy doesn’t give love and love is this economy. Virgin seeking cock in the Sears restrooms. The parks we all swing in. Lamb lost—eyes evil. Slaughtered and blood dripping from my paws and lips. I’m just a relic in this post modern age of consumption and nothing–or is it something?

Riot

Reaching out from this cave
Thin air inside and out
I scream through tears
I scream until my voice is numb
Just like my soul

You were nothing everything something totality… I reach for you!
Codependent in this reason based in your lies of affection and my screams go silent like my tears

This darkness binds my soul and I beg for the light of tomorrow today and yesterday. I am alone forever searching for the dream I had two nights ago. The dream where we weren’t dead and I wasn’t trapped in this cave.

My skull is aching and my internal pop-culture references are lost in the translations of rolling-of speed-of the way it was-of the mobile meth lab making its way through my neighborhood calling to all the kiddies with a ring of the bell. All I can hear echoing in this cave is that fucking bell.

I am psychotic and you call me that at a drop of a hat—projection is a bitch!

Fuck it-suck it-let it deep inside you. Feel nothing but racing numb and shoot your creamy white on my dusty lonely chin… I am sorry just like many moons ago. Again I walk the halls pacing but the reason is different and the place is underground—cadaver box empty—just like the cave I am reaching out of.

People SUX

My pain is nothing while inside this darkness.
I hold a candle but it burns and loneliness juxtapose against my heart.
Waiting for the phone to ring but my cape doesn’t let me fly.
Hope empty and you all seemed so real one time.
Real one time.
Real.

Reason

Reasons laid out like cards on the table. Flipped upside down like the choices floating inside the air. My breath causes cough and I sit there lost in space.

Hands crippled and checking red. I long for freedom and remember that sample of peace sold to me like the breeze through wire.

Vibrations ripple through my blood and my heart is riddled with the shrapnel of your explosion. I walk bare and my feet are bleeding. Youth fading like the memories of you and me. All I have is tomorrow and tomorrow is fair.

High above I crave for high and I tell the truth through grit of my teeth for freedom. It still hurts not to run on the hamster wheel.

Reasons laid out like cards on a table turned upside down. I sit there in silence trying to decide which on to turn over. Afraid that it won’t be yours. My breath causes cough. My eye fills with tears.

Emergency contact

Friendship like shit dripping on the side of the men’s room. I called you confidant for a lifetime but this curse is betrayal. Everyone else is on that pedestal and I stand there dripping.

You rob me of this honesty. The truth of every word makes me quiver. I move from here and go there but I am lost in the invasion of mind melt. Invasion.

My letters stack up because I am to pissed to send my love, you don’t deserve and this is over the top, hate might be the causation.

I waste my time thinking about your day and get played like a trumpet. I call to the heavens but they aren’t open on holiday’s like Easter. They are not Open.

This crutch has broke my soul and you will never return to me the same because I know that the pit that you crawl from is pure evil and a waste of clay. Drawn lines of life circle my face and the color of age parts my scalp. I am energy lasting but you I have forgotten.

Wind whips the pages from my electronic soul and my story flys across the sky falling on certain ears. Fingers move with words but it’s you that never hears. The numbers crawl to the center of my frontal lobe and I trace them onto parchment with the color blue. Mind sour.

I need nothing and everything and speed to make me love. Skinny surgery deep inside the line. The line is empty left that way because there is no one to call. No emergency contact.

killing time

I sit here with this life full

My belly is aching and my heart torn

I am the savior and the grace but nothing quenches this thirst

I walk alone up and down the halls breathing heavy

the totem pole is toppled by this dishonesty.

Years

The years gone and inside I am blackened
I wait beside myself for that never coming hug
Your browns tower over me seeking a landing spot
I hear nothing and my hands shake

Population of sorrow creeping inside my gloom I wake to another day of solitary.
Missing the once was I rock slow at first my rhytem tired
Shallow breath calling for night through the vapors of grey
I am here screaming and my head hurts

Plastic people surround me and my search continues. I had this once but the truth is gone and the gift is left unwrpped broken under the tree.
Only souls walk near and life hangs next to them. My breath is chilled now. And the medication is wearing off.

Abuse shapes around fists and words inhaling the throwback and ache of yesterday. This future is forgotten and the present mis delivered. I was home!

Please begs from quivering lips while the words tower seeking refuge in the misguided fortune of a love affair.

Indeed

Comfort head swimming and I am lost inside this I hear nothing and light seems like a memory
I pace
The clarity of water jaded by saline and my power is hungry
Fear envelopes
I last only for as long as it will let me and breath escapes through my nosrels
Please help
I call for the wisdom but the phone rings
The rightous loves self while losing sight of right
Lone answers
Swirling inside my skin I creep out to take a peek
Illusion
Swivel around I shutter
Cold before winter and this taste is gone.

Passive

Screams of silence fill my head
I can’t hear your speech
I scratch the surface to reach you
Calling all the powers
Only alone and I pace
The reason I call you is to pray
The reason I yell at you is to kill the feeling
I wonder if you feel too
I failed and I know it

Scratch

Kill the reaper and walk away slow. I honor nothing but savey grace for hate. Grasping at the last moment I will spend with your waste. Open up my throat to clear the word of lust and my blood flows cold. You are not me and I value that about us. It’s the beginning of all that was meant to be and the evolution failed. Upside down I grow head buried in your grave while you rob me of homage. My soul quakes from the magnatude of nothingness. Freedom cost our world and pain isn’t determined by trying. When I look in your direction I see neglect and wonder if it’s because you lost the fight. Lasting only in blank space I reach for savior. Blinded by your ego and deaf to all your words I realize we are a world away from destruction. We are destruction and greed for how to control exsistance is universal. Blown brains scattered across the wall still begging to suck your dick. My hate black and riddled with reason defying logic I swing from the beam.

Life

In’s and out’s of the controversies and derivitive of desire. Walking head down exclusive from surrounding circumstance; reaching to reflection of shadow but falling deep into self. Environment controlled with such exactness it escapes possibility of choice. Hovering over the mainstream pursuing validity however one can.

Ready, set, go!

Our place not known. Creeping insecurities engulf the movement seeking release from within. Decisions one can’t take back cascading doubt of haphazard progression and glow of youth persudes the minds eye. Lost in the act with evasive direction streaching thin lacking power to guide the wisdom.

Faith and hope just words defined by need but hindering solace to our story. Motivation to continue on blasted by the moment of dispare. Apologies reject like our will.

Run fast! Die young!

All a memory of what was once folding with the moment. Sum of all parts not equal to remembering. Suppression boils oppressing determined resurrection of self. And one’s mind struggles with invasion as well as comprehendtion. Relevance of being no longer reasonable while suffering demeans trial and error. No regard to action or love just selfish aspiration to garner limelight.

Torn inbetween! Kill the inside!

Box placed for shelter. Thinking of freedom’s defined quiet. Flickering source negates the tenderness of love. Total fantacy of momentary quench however the thirst is overwhelmed by lack. Dry sense’s cross souls window expressed in deprecation. One quips about conversations truth while relation to person is sidelined.

Divinity demanded! Open intentions!

Universal loss murmurs fear in addition to mistakes of integrity. Cause leads passed effect driving unthinkable consequences to negotionable error. Welcomed back from space but still alone inside chosen isolation.

Damaged dedication! Consealed lies!

Beginning clarity rings through core. Hate excumed with extreme force but with nowhere to dewel. Era over left to dismantle the in’s and out’s of controversies of torn belonging.

Rooting Resentment

Looking around trying to find something familiar in my line of sight. Your words dominate the silence and I get lost in the description of empty space. Holding my breath as my stomach turns over allowing my ears to process the definition. This feeling swelling inside my environment is a mistake I have made before. My pit grows farther away from the safe place of soul. You stand there before me reminding me of the past and how we collided with each other in a passion that cascaded our sense of self. Following your lips while you repeat yourself again. Piercing my clouded center with your hate. Boiling point reached inside myself and I reach out to stop the madness. Shock falls through the room and resentment persudes the moment.

Prolonging the isolation

Minds eye corrupted
Water cascading over face while flesh fades away through rot.

Over Exertion
Over Consumption
Over Extention

Procastination takes root as the ground gives way.
Numbness replaces sensation of feeling as anger tingled inside the hole.

Over Exertion
Over Consumption
Over Extention

Imagination presses against black as darkness surrounds the senses. Hearing overrated while seeing forgives believing leading the escape of faith among the silence.
Again the residue of hope intrigues the sense of smell.

Over Exertion
Over Consumption
Over Extention

Fantastic lies opens the questions of truth and waiting is progress in the flood.
Patience dead laying at the bottom bouncing against the smooth and jagged rocks.
Making light of relation sqyeezing the last drop of want in exchange for the obvious.
Escape allusive allowing the rush of blood to the vague crown.
Wearing a hole in soul by wondering in and out of reality.

Over Exertion
Over Consumption
Over Extention

Eating dirt for the provision of self through renewal. Sunset heating to the boiling point but the air still cold.
Exhaling the vapors of today followed by the inhalation of tomorrows miracle.
Path criss crossed through the height of emotion not allowing for reproduction of exsistance.
Hungry for all while getting none and it’s lost in here.
Torn away moments found placement in the control of the past. Over powered.

Over Exertion
Over Consumption
Over Extention

Racing electricity torments sleep damaging waking dream giving way to lack if conclusion.
Dreams over prayers voiced hands clasped fingers tight.
Then touch pricks the surface casting doubt and shadow over the ability to communicate safely.
Like a move in game play peaks and valleys steal energy stepping over function gathering around discovered decay in the pit.

Over Exertion
Over Consumption
Over Extention

Scared of the past reluctant for the future playing with the pesent.
Drowning inside the wisdom but accepting nothing at all. Exchanging the cash for validation among the corrosive trash. Meek humble blunder destine to relive the desire.
Harmful description defining words with a zeal that only can make them safe. On the line between hate and love but it’s all typical. Condition evolves around environment looking inside the box. Life valued on what can be gained with the volume turned up but nobody listening.
Create openess through captivity falling faster.

Over Exertion
Over Consumption
Over Extention

Watching thin air getting fat off world labor. Upside down dangling from a fine line. Ink leaves charaters but meaning evaded.
Growth stagnates as moans tower over the passion. Fakeness transcends to pain while the search for revelation continues.

Over Exertion
Over Consumption
Over Extention

Choice provided then snatched in the blink of an eye.
Craving for advice but direction misguided mistakes taken advantage of learning the same old.
Over and under for desperation to hiding finding solace in withdrawal pacing around the ward seeking resurrection.
Finding sickness in repeative motion. Exhaling vapors inhaling strength smelling the beast while hitting the bottom. World rocks as it give way to darkness unescapable nothingness create environmental pressure with explosive consquences.
Hearing the silence on the right side but still listening to the left. Keeping faith but peace isn’t quite so clear.

Over Exertion
Over Consumption
Over Extention

Daily

My lungs filled with screams but my mirror is broken. I can’t find the cure for my common pain yet I still search. Alone inside my puddle with dependacy fast approaching. Seeking approval from the disapproved and grasping for luck. Fed on the mass but still hungry and struggling to breathe. Destin to repeat the past life without finding a future. Standing in vain at the feet of salvation yet not having this thirst quenched. Yurning for touch through passion unfolding sacrifice and true exsistance discovering the expression of contempt packaged tightly with bitter buds further rooted in resentment. Value lost replaced with consumption killing the soul with the grind.

Portal

Random racing minds eye can’t put it down! Hovering in limbo with excessive feeling circling the insides. Running backward to escape the raging bubble of chaos. Strung out on the floor but lacking the ablity to feel the ground and these unchanging passages creep back to the flood gate. Cycle circling the crown leaving little room for freedom and my question stays unanswered. Numbing the jaded flesh with everything possible and my laundry is still dirty. Searching for the strength but finding struggle entrenched in the constant change of season. My view skewed by my expectations of you and again I forget about me.